The college experience can be a wonderful thing. As my fraternity's song goes: "College days swiftly pass, imbued with memories fond, and their recollection slowly fades away."
One of the most beautiful things about the college experience is the socializing. In a manufactured environment, young men and women begin to explore sex, love, and life. Teenagers are socializing with people from late teens to early twenties, giving the impression that dating will always be easy.
But once the college experience is over and the real world comes around, things begin to change drastically. And as a signpost of life up ahead, dating becomes harder.
It's a simple calculation, really. If things are difficult in your twenties, they will not magically ease up when you enter your thirties or forties.
In our twenties, we are still searching for our place in the world. Our principles, dreams and outlook on the world are pliable. If we create a partnership with someone while still in our twenties, the likelihood is that we will grow into each other as we grow into ourselves.
In our thirties and forties, we have more concrete ideas that are more difficult to merge with someone else's. We have habits and likes and dislikes and we want to hold fast to them. As we get older, the likelihood is that we will hold stronger to what we have learned, making it more difficult to find someone to merge lives with.
Being single and over forty is scary for men and infinitely more frightening for women, because while God makes more girls than boys, there are more boys getting married, leaving less available marriage prospects for the girls.
And, since we know that there are more men getting married in their late forties and beyond, it shouldn't shock anyone to hear that many of them are marrying women under forty.
The simple truth is that for some men, younger women make a much better match.
Younger women have been exposed to fewer unsuccessful relationships and less propaganda, leaving them with a brighter outlook.
And, the woman under forty is also increasing her chances at success by dating older. The men her age are likely less mature, still pursuing career goals over starting a family and accordingly, unprepared for marriage and commitment when the younger woman is ready. Dating older men will increase the likelihood that the relationship will lead to marriage, while decreasing the chances of being in a relationship based mostly on sex and fun with no clear direction.
Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, but as long as the world has been round, older men have pursued younger women. While an older woman may be viewed as living in the winter of her discontent, for the younger woman, every day is Valentine's Day and every night is New Year's Eve.
So, what's an older lady to do?
Dating is a complicated venture and difficult to launch properly. The most salient piece of advice that anyone could give is to step outside of your comfort zone. If the world is changing, you must change with it.
One solution for single women is to be unafraid of initiating contact. If fewer men are approaching you, the odds can still be increased in your favor by simply saying "hello." An older gentleman may be recently divorced and after being out of the game for a while, just may not be interested in approaching every woman he sees.
If you are in a city where the pickings of single men in your age range are slim, perhaps you should be open to dating outside of your area. We've heard that long distance relationships rarely work, but that typically refers to younger people who have a hard time remaining focused.
Older women should also be open to sharing the burdens and responsibilities of dating. If there are fewer gentlemen offering to wine and dine you, perhaps you should demonstrate that you are willing to be a partner instead of another line item in his budget. An older man is probably taking his finances more seriously in preparation for the retirement years and dropping less cash on dates that may prove to be unproductive.
And, finally, the same formula for younger women applies to older women: Date older men. For every forty-ish woman who cannot find suitable mates in her age range, there are older gentlemen who would delight in the pleasure of wooing a younger woman, treasuring her maturity, while finding value in her relative youth, when compared to his own age.
The reality is that May/December romances traditionally work well even when both parties are close to December.
Of course, there are older women who are beautiful inside and out and still catch the attention of men in a wide age range--below and above her own.
Overall, for the woman over forty, the advice is simple: Remain positive and remain open. Just as you are looking for that one man who will love you and respect you the way you need to be loved and respected, there are plenty of good and decent men who are looking for the same thing.
You just have to be in the right place and be open and available.
By Darryl James